Living With Vertigo
My mind is in a blur as I write this. I am trying so hard to not move my head whatsoever as even just a small movement causes my brain to daze away. This is vertigo and I am not entirely sure how to fully explain just how much it can effect me. I guess I can start from the beginning.
I was born with Mondini Dysplasia and Enlarged Vestibular Aqueduct Syndrome, although it was not discovered until I was three years old. What exactly is this? Obviously, I am not a doctor, but I can tell you that these two conditions that I have are the reason why I am fully deaf in my right ear. It is the reason why I deal with vertigo on a daily basis. It has given me balance issues, meaning that I can’t even ride a bike (which I used to be very embarrassed about) no matter how hard I try. I can’t walk in a straight line and when I think a picture frame is straight, it’s definitely not. Along with this, I will randomly wake up and be unable to hear anything for a day or two. At times, I have a buzzing or a ringing noise playing loudly in the one ear I can hear out of.
Having these two conditions since I was born, I can’t really say what it is like to not constantly be dizzy or to be able to fully hear. I can’t really explain to anyone what it’s like to only hear out of one ear, just like how nobody can truly tell me what it is like to fully hear. It’s been this way since the day I was born so I have nothing to compare it to.
The past couple of months, my vertigo has gotten worse. The past week, my vertigo has gotten a lot worse. Today, my vertigo is off the charts worse, and that is why I am writing this blog post. I want to try to explain it, explain what it is like living with vertigo. I am going to do my best to write this, however I don’t even know how this is going to go when I struggle to with how to explain it to myself.
I feel like the world is spinning around me, like I am watching a merry go round go 25,000 times the speed it is supposed to go. My vision keeps fading in and out. I am nauseous and totally off balance. If I move my head even a little, the merry go round thats already going extremely fast goes 2,000 times faster. It seems as if somebody is spinning me around in a chair and they won’t stop, no matter how much I cry and beg. If I get up, I need to hold onto something or else I think I might fall down.
It has not always been like this. In fact, I felt pretty fine for so long, but as I mentioned earlier, the past couple of months it has gotten worse. I am on a never ending rollercoaster that loops every 2 seconds and I can’t get off of it. I am so sensitive to motion. I’m already deaf in one ear and need volumes to be high up, but now I’m sensitive to the volume and I need it to be quiet.
Vertigo. This is what I am living with. This is what I will live with forever. It is apart of me and I’m just trying to get through the days with it. Some days are great, other days are bad, but I know I can make it through.
(photo I took in August of 2020 of my dog that somehow represents what vertigo feels like to me)
Comments